Your Home Is Turning Women Off. Here’s Why.

Your Home Is Turning Women Off. Here’s Why.

Out this Friday is Don Jon – ­the comedy written, directed by and starring Joseph Gordon-Levitt. In the film JGL plays the main character Jon, who has eight passions in life. Tellingly the second on the list is.…’my pad’. Below we help you understand what women look for, where to draw the line on super tidy, and what they definitely do not want to see.

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Modern man needs his own space, and I appreciate that. If that needs to include reclining furniture, flat screen TVs and multiple references to football, then so be it. But how much thought do you put into what potential girlfriends think when they see your bachelor pad?

Women notice your surroundings. We observe, analyse and base much of our opinion of you on your home. Bookshelves stuffed with literature and travel guides show that you are wordly; plants and a well-stocked fridge show that you are responsible and leather sofas just scream ‘bachelor.’

A survey recently conducted by 1926 Wood Flooring discovered that bachelors thought a ‘fully equipped kitchen’ would most impress a potential date. Well, as it’s not 1952, I can assure you this is untrue. It also revealed, however, that most men favoured wood flooring, marble tops and fine art for their homes, which I can definitely get on board with. These show you have decent taste, a smidge of maturity and a flair for the finer things in life. All of which, women love. Stained sheets, pictures of you and your ex, collections of comic books, action figures or pornography are no-nos. I’m afraid to say I’ve seen all of these at one point or another and did not hang around long enough to see anything more. The Girlfriend Activation System might be the best solution for your problem.

Naturally, we appreciate a tidy home. If we get an inkling we’re going to have to clean up after you it makes us feel like your mum. If your bedroom is extremely tidy, we assume you’re either a naturally neat sort of bloke — great! — or were expecting company — kind of OK, too, if slightly presumptuous. Mess is a huge turn off. I’m not talking rumpled sheets or an overflowing washing basket. I mean pizza boxes, dirty cups and that fusty smell that lingers throughout a room which hasn’t had fresh air in five months. Once past your first year at University, this level of hygiene is unacceptable, whether you’re expecting lady visitors or not.

Having said that, I’m instinctively wary of clean-freaks. I believe in a healthy sprinkling of creative clutter. To me, anyone too tidy — like when all the photographs are perfectly aligned and your toiletries are in alphabetical order — reeks of serial killer. I briefly dated a chap last year and the first (and last) time I went to his house I was taken aback by how sparse his bedroom was. I’m talking bed, lamp, framed photos of child relatives and a wardrobe with four shirts and snow boots. And I’m only assuming those kids were relatives. I thought I was being funny when I asked if he was planning to murder me. He didn’t find it very funny.

As for us girls, I’ve heard men say that if they’re lucky enough to go home with a woman, the last thing they’re checking out is her bedroom’s feng shui. My old bedroom was so small I was too scared to ever bring a bloke back, for fear the two of us wouldn’t actually fit in the room. Despite my flatmate’s insistence of ‘guys don’t care about that stuff,’ I beg to differ. A cupboard for a bedroom screams ‘student,’ not ‘sexy.’ Thankfully my living space is bigger these days. A male friend told recently of his horror at waiting for his 30-year old date to remove all the stuffed animals from her bed before they could have sex on it. So, maybe we’re not so perfect after all. But I don’t know any single woman that would buy a leather sofa.

Don Jon is in UK cinemas nationwide today – Watch the trailer here