So, you’re anxious about dating? It’s not easy to overcome, but almost everybody suffers from it in one form or another. Worrying about your first impressions and long-term social skills can be stressful; understandably, you’d get anxious over something as important as romance.
However, letting it hold you back or ruin your motivation is very easy. Whether it’s a fear of rejection, a lack of self-respect or something much more personal, your dating anxiety can make it hard to get a date, leading to a slippery spiral of stress. Thankfully, there are some ways to try and beat it for good:
Self-Awareness
The best approach to handling anxiety is to be honest with your dating partner about it. If you’re already on a date, you can say, “I’m sorry if I seem nervous” or “I was a bit anxious about meeting you tonight.” This honesty is far better than trying to conceal your feelings, which can lead to misunderstandings.
Remember, your date might also feel anxious but hesitant to admit it. When both people try to appear confident, they miss the chance to truly understand each other and end up pretending to be someone they’re not.
By being upfront about your anxiety, you can facilitate a more authentic and comfortable interaction, setting the stage for better mutual understanding and acceptance.
Acknowledge Your Anxiety
Your perception of dating, like that of the dating world, can often be clouded by anxiety. While your brain might signal that rejection is catastrophic, this is just your anxiety amplifying a minor setback.
The best approach to tackle this is by acknowledging your anxiety. Once you recognize how your emotional state influences your thoughts, you can start to disregard those negative feelings.
Many people grapple with dating anxiety because they don’t fully grasp its impact on their brain, similar to experiencing depression without realizing it. This leads us to emotional intelligence, a critical factor in understanding and managing these emotions.
Emotional Intelligence Matters
Recognizing and understanding emotions is important in dating. If you miss signs that your date is uncomfortable, sad, or attracted to you, it becomes challenging to respond meaningfully.
Conversely, with strong emotional intelligence, you can adjust your emotions to suit your date better. Although some may see this as manipulative, striving to make others comfortable is harmless.
By tuning into their emotional state and acting appropriately, you’ll make your conversations more engaging and seem less awkward, even if you’re anxious. Sometimes, being kind to yourself in this process is important, as self-judgment can be an effective barrier.
Don’t Judge Yourself
Dating anxiety often stems from imagined failures rather than real ones. While some people develop this anxiety from frequent rejection, many with limited dating experience overestimate their partner’s scrutiny.
You might worry about wearing mismatched socks or having dry skin, but you’re more aware of these details than your date is. They likely won’t notice or care, yet you feel they’re analyzing you closely.
People have varying standards, but most have flaws and don’t judge others as harshly as they do themselves. Over-apologizing for your appearance or personality can be off-putting and might reduce interest. Ultimately, what draws someone to you can be surprisingly unique and personal.
Attraction is Personal
Attraction is subjective and varies widely among individuals. Your perceived flaws, such as being heavier or having a pale complexion, might be what your date finds appealing.
Even traits like shyness, nerdiness, or awkwardness can be endearing. The concept that there is someone for everyone holds, as there’s always someone who will appreciate you just as you are. Sometimes, stepping out of your comfort zone can reveal even more about what makes you uniquely attractive.
Push Yourself
Overcoming anxiety often starts with taking action. If someone you like asks you on a date, say yes before self-doubt takes over. Once you agree, backing out becomes harder, pushing you to participate. Saying “I’m not sure” makes it easier to avoid the invitation and remain stuck in your anxiety.
Don’t hesitate to talk about yourself when you’re on the date. Even if you think you’re uninteresting, two things can happen: you find common ground or discover new interests.
Your unusual hobby might be shared, or they might still enjoy hearing about it. And speaking of enjoyment, finding ways to relax and have a good time can be just as important as facing your anxieties head-on.
Switch Off, Have Fun
Anxiety can sap your motivation, making it easy to slip back into worry. The best strategy is to “switch off” – stop overthinking and focus on your date’s words and actions.
If you’re dining out, enjoy some wine or a favorite dish to help you relax and forget the pressure of a romantic connection. Your date wants to see the real you, so the best approach is to relax and savor each moment.
Dates are meant to be enjoyable, though they can be stressful, especially for introverts. Even if the relationship doesn’t work out, you can still have a good time with a new friend. As you strive to create an emotional bond, remember the importance of understanding and fulfilling each other’s needs.
Give Your Date What You Need
Many people struggle with their self-image, even if they appear confident. If you want your date to compliment you, don’t awkwardly ask about your hair or clothes. Instead, compliment them similarly. Treat your date as you’d like to be treated: this helps them understand your personality and opens up more opportunities to bond.
If your date isn’t giving you enough attention, avoid acting cold out of spite. Some people mask their anxiety or emotions with an uncaring demeanor. Giving them a chance can prevent ruining a proper date. When faced with such challenges, remember there’s always a way to stay resilient and positive.
Don’t Feel Beaten Down
Rejection can be tough, especially when it’s from someone you genuinely liked. However, it’s important to keep moving forward. In most cases, it just means you weren’t compatible, and that’s okay. It doesn’t imply you did anything wrong or made a major mistake. Instead, focus on the positive aspects of the date rather than the negatives.
Occasionally, a rejection might hit your confidence hard, which can be challenging for anxious individuals. Try not to let it affect you too much. A rejection typically means either there’s room for improvement or that you and your date weren’t a good match. Instead of dwelling on it, shift your attention to the positives. Remember the good moments and the things you enjoyed. Learning to do this can significantly improve your outlook.
Focus On the Positives
The best way to get over anxiety caused by a rejection? Focus on the positive parts of who you are. For a date to work, two people have to be really into one another, so a rejection doesn’t mean that everything about you is awful. In fact, many people get rejected because their date feels like they’re not good enough for them, especially if their date suffers from anxiety too. You’re allowed to have flaws, and somebody you date in the future will probably be able to overlook them if you stay in the dating scene.
Did you know? The girlfriend activation system could help you uncover new ways to talk to women.
If you can’t think of any positives, make some! Start exercising more, or try to put together snappier outfits with the clothes you already have. It might also help to think about what your hobbies actually are, and how you can describe them to somebody. If there’s a way to do everything wrong, then there’s a way to do everything right, and sometimes a little more effort or thought is all it takes to turn something that seems stupid or unattractive into a good talking point for your next date.