Getting out of the friend zone
There is this girl you like but you don’t know how to tell her. You are afraid she might reject you so you use a soft approach. She doesn’t think you are interested in her so she says things like “we can be such good friends” and you agree without letting her know how you really feel. You are happy that you have gotten this far so you don’t ruin it with some corny statement like “I don’t want to be friends because I want to be more”. You keep the relationship right there and get jealous whenever you see her talking to if guys. She never notices but tell you about how she feels about him as if you are like her girlfriend. You try to keep your true feelings hidden but sob uncontrollably when you are alone. You may even undermine this guy because you are the better choice. You think of plans if how you are going to tell her how you feel but the fear of rejection consumes you. The plan is never executed and another missed opportunity is lost. This feeling can be so distracting and you find yourself thinking about her all the time. Staring at the ceiling at night, looking at pictures of her on social media, looking forward to the next time you will see her again just to get close to her.
Now months have passed and she is not available as much because she is seeing someone and spending all of her free time with him. Now the feeling loneliness is so distracting that it is hard to focus on anything. Eating becomes less important and you think of opportunities where you can just see her and hopefully alone. The thought of her having a good time with another guy just infuriates you. Now those plans start to become something that you have to do because you feel like you will not get an opportunity to tell her how you feel before she decides to marry the guy she is dating. You have to move soon or she will never know how you truly feel.
Here are some tips that you can use to get out of the friend zone:
1. Make a decision- is it worth it- are you willing to risk your friendship to let her how you really feel. Be sure that the feelings are not simply a physical attraction. You can cross over to being more than friends and find out all you were dealing with was lustful feelings. It may be a good idea to get some background from those that know who this young lady is and her history may not be something you are willing to deal with. Make sure you want to get out of the friend zone with this female.
2. What do you want – is it a relationship or is it lust. You have to be sure that you are looking for the right personality traits. You don’t want to get deeper involved to find out you made a mistake. Evaluate your motives as to why you want to move out of the friend zone. When guys are ready to settle down and remain with one person, there are some character traits that we are looking for in a young lady. You may know some things about her from your friendship but that does not mean you know everything about her. Maybe you think she can be your wife. Are their things about her behavior that you may not be able to live with? Have you talked to her about what she wants to do in the future? These are some important issues that need to be considered. Why would these issues be important when moving out of the friend zone? You are about to share your feelings with your friend that can potentially change for the good or the bad. Even though there will be challenges in your relationship, if things do change, you need to be sure that your motives are consistent with being involved for the long haul.
3. Have a conversation with mutual friends – sometimes your mutual friends can share things about whether or not it would be a good idea to change the type of relationship you may currently have with this potential female. Again, you don’t want to get yourself into a situation where your friend turned girlfriend becomes your enemy. Now there are some things that need to be considered here. Some of your mutual friends may be judgmental and think that it would not be a good idea for you to couple with this young lady. Others may feel like that they do not want to get involved. In any case, it is a good idea to let them know what you are doing because when everything changes, they might be surprised. You also have to weigh the information from those that may have negative thoughts about the idea. These individuals may try to compromise your plan to change your relationship with your mutual friend. There may even be someone that you all are mutual friends with that may be interested in you and they are working on trying to get out the friend zone. There is so much that should be considered when having a discussion about someone that you are friends with but would like to take your relationship further. You have to be paying close attention to those that you have a conversation with about something of this magnitude. Your heart as well as the young lady that you intend to have an intimate relationship with are on the line. Nevertheless, you can get through it, no matter the outcome.
4. Is the timing right? – you want to approach this person and tell her how you feel but she may be really in love with someone else or she could be secretly dealing with a bad breakup from a former boyfriend. These are not easy situations to deal with regardless of the person involved. That is why it is very important to get as much information as possible before you make your approach and tell her how you really feel. Although you may feel the timing is right, I would start off with some small talk to see where she is prior to sharing your feelings. This will give you an idea as to where she may be before making your feelings known. Things may workout in your favor if the timing is right. The other danger in timing is whether or not she is feeling up to hearing news about how you feel. If there are some issues that are causing some angry feelings and you walk up to her at the wrong time. It could be disastrous. Make sure the timing is right! You will get the feeling that the time is right. By the time you are ready to make your move, there will be a gut feeling. Don’t wait too long. The window of opportunity may not be open for long.
5. Make your move!–when you have done everything to make sure you have the right opportunity – open up and tell her how you feel. It may be a good idea to have some things set up where the two of you are alone. The last thing you need are distractions that would interfere with a sensitive moment. She may even get an idea about what is happening if the clues are present. You should have made sure you are making the right decision, she is what you truly want in a mate, talked to as many of your mutual friends as possible and you made sure that the timing is right. There is no more time to wait. Now you need to be prepared for the worse, again, these situations don’t always go as planned. There is always those unknown variables that can make a perfect situation go south quick. You may need to develop an exit plan for the sake of creating an awkward situation. Why would you leave if sharing your feelings is what you wanted to do since you talked to your friend? You need to salvage whatever may be left of your dignity. Staying too long and having a conversation about why she is not interested can make the rejection worse. You also will need time to heal depending on how long you have had these feelings about this young lady. Although it might sound selfish, you have to protect yourself from what can have chaotic impact. Taking a step like moving from being a friend to intimately dating can be hard for those that are not prepared for news of this nature. The hope is that it all goes well. In the event it does not, do whatever you can to retain your friendship. In some cases, it is best that it stays that way. You might find out some things about her that you just cannot live with. For example, she might not be the best house cleaner or she snores at night. For some people, these things can be deal breakers. What if she is insanely jealous and thinks that you are doing things that you are not supposed to? How will you deal with that? Will you know that she is that way before you decided to change the dynamics of your relationship? When you made your plan to share your feelings, hopefully you took all of this into consideration. There are things that we think look a certain way until we bring them home and find out that there are some things wrong but we cannot return them. Your time is your most precious resource. Don’t waste it on doing something that you will regret later.
Once you have disclosed how you feel to your friend, there will be some changes in the interaction that the two of you have. The two of you will look at each other differently. The expectations that you had prior to the change will be different. Accountability will be expected when it did not matter when you were just friends. Conversations about former mates will be discussed, if they had not before the dynamics of your relationship changed. There will be a new honeymoon period that you will go through until one of you breaks. Hopefully, the gifts that you give one another will have a different meaning. All of the moments you share from this point on will have more meaning than when you two were just friends. Although your relationship has changed, it is important that you remain friends as well as lovers. You should not make her seem like she is not welcome into aspects of your life like her feelings do not matter.
Now if things do not go as expected when you share your feelings. You must remain strong and continue to maintain your friendship. The two of may not view each other the same as before, but if you had a great relationship, it should not dissolve as a result of this disclosure. Sometimes a relationship may not be in the best interest of the other person. Some females have a hard time transitioning from friend to lover. So be sensitive to their feelings. Don’t allow this to keep you from trying again later. If not with the same person, someone else may be on the horizon later. In life, we will go through all types of trials. Sometimes, the no’s that we receive, are getting us closer to the yes that we need. Everything happens in it time. I once heard somewhere, a dream deferred is not a dream denied. You may look around and this same female will show up later in life and say that she made a mistake rejecting you. In many cases, it would be too late, depending on what is going on in your life at the time. Or, it may be an opportunity to see where the relationship can go and if the two of you were meant for one another. My encouragement to you is that there is a purpose behind everything that we deal with I life. We can either allow ourselves to be consumed or use it as a way to build us up. If you fall, get up and try again. Good Luck with getting out of the friend zone.!