Sexting girls you’re into can be intimidating, as can sexting a long term partner, and many people don’t know where to start with the do’s and don’ts of sexting each other. Whether it’s faintly spicy comments and images to your long term partner, or asking the right questions in messages to a person you’re interested in a more casual encounter with, getting sexting wrong can lead to a whole world of trouble rather than the something fun and exciting that you might be hoping to do.

If you learn what to do while sexting, you can improve your chances of at least seeing a lewd photo or two with your cell phone messages. But remember: people are different, and what works for one person with their partner might not do so well for a different person sending messages to another user. Whether you’re looking to be someone’s boyfriend or just a casual, horny text, picture or videos on your phone, remember that this isn’t a simple equation and you shouldn’t treat it that way. Approaching people with care and respect matters, and if she doesn’t seem to be into the things you do, back off and don’t push it, and don’t question her decisions.

Let’s take a look at some of the basic things to do when sexting, as well as some top mistakes that people make when they text someone through their phone app technology of choice. Read on below for some top tips on how to improve your sex life with the best approach to sexting with someone you like.

The Basics

So, what’s a sext? Well, in general terms, it’s a text message that you send someone when you’re horny and looking to move to something sexy. That could be dirty talk with your partner, safe from the eyes of society, or trying to move a more casual relationship towards a sexy hookup. There are many different ways you could use sexting, and you’ll need to approach each of these types of text slightly differently. There are a few things you can do to improve your sexy text experience in a general way, though!

Some Common Mistakes

One of the most important things you can do to improve your sex life every time is to avoid making stupid mistakes with your phone text messages. While the do’s are important, the don’ts are even more important when it comes to sexting a partner or other person. Here are some of the biggest sexting don’ts that you should watch out for and try your best to avoid!

Dick Pics: just don’t do it

Nobody wants to see a picture of your dick. It’s just that simple. Don’t send a photo of it, it’s not sexy. If you’re trying to sext, do it with your words. If you’re good with words, then you can be seductive. If you just send a photo of your dick, you look like an idiot.

It really is that simple. You might think that, given that you want to see a boob, she might want to see a dick, but that’s not the case at all. Dicks don’t look great, and that’s a fact of life. And no, your dick isn’t an exception. She’s not going to make it into her lock screen photo and admire it every day. She’s going to think it looks a bit gross, and be turned off. You get the idea! Stick to words in your texts rather than a picture of your dick!

Being a Nuisance

Nude photos: they’re hot, right? But there’s a big difference between you being horny enough to want to see them and someone being horny enough to want to send photos like this. Remember, once something’s been sent it can’t be unsent – that goes for messages, photos, words, videos, or anything else.

Some people are perfectly happy with the idea of sexting nude photos to their partner with their texts, but others aren’t, and that needs to be respected. The horror stories of people’s nudes being leaked without their consent are more than enough to put off many people from going near sending nudes in a sext, and that’s entirely reasonable. Don’t be a bother about it – if she says no and you keep asking, you’ll seem annoying and desperate. What matters is her consent and her comfort, every time. Your horny needs aren’t as important as her safety, and that’s just a fact that you’re going to have to deal with.

Going too far, too fast

It’s important to do things slowly and carefully. Think with your head, not your dick! Sext carefully and stay in control of yourself. This is one of the most important rules you can follow, every single time. Don’t get carried away!

This can be difficult to remember when you’re horny, but it’s important at all times. Don’t jump straight from “how are you?” texts to a graphic description of your fantasies! That’s not likely to do well with anyone, and there’s nothing worse than doing something stupid like this.

You don’t want to come across as some sort of pervert or predator in your messages! If you go too far too fast in this way, you’re just going to scare your prospective partner before you get to do anything fun.

Being Boring

Sexting is meant to be fun. Don’t try to cram your entire libido into a single message, or there’ll be not much to do after that. You need to think about it like you’re structuring a story, slowly rising towards a climax (yes, like that too, if you want).

You need to be working towards elaborate fantasies, rather than just boring texts about fucking. Have some style and some imagination! It can take a little while to get over initial nerves, but if you can get past that then sexting can be a huge amount of fun!

Tasteless Topics

The stuff you see in porn isn’t representative of real sex, and trying that sort of thing when you sext is a bad idea. Aim for fantasies that are a bit closer to reality and a bit more possible. You’re not in a sext competition to prove who’s got the dirtiest mind and the filthiest views about sex!

Could you say it to her face? If you wouldn’t talk about a topic in a face to face conversation, then don’t do it in a sext.

Vibing on the wrong wavelength

A big part of dirty talk is understanding how the other person thinks. Making a proper connection is key to relationships and casual sexting alike, and it’s important to make sure you use the same style and thought process that she does in order to get anywhere. Not all couples think in exactly the same way, but you need to understand your partner well enough to do things in a sexy way rather than just do something confusing.

Stupid Jokes

Sexts are a way of showing off a bit of your sexy side and what you might be like in bed, in the privacy of a personal conversation rather than just an online chat on twitter or elsewhere on the public record of the internet. Take it seriously, and try to turn her on.

A common mistake is trying to be funny and goof around. That’s not seductive, and it’s a sure way to bring a sex based conversation to a sharp end. Save the jokes for twitter or for later on, with a partner you really know. There are other ways to show off your wit and actually get somewhere!

Don’t get too weird!

Look, kinks are great. Everyone’s into something, and often that something is a bit off the wall and a bit weird. But that’s something that you should start talking about once you’re really comfortable with your partner.

If you start talking about your weirdest, darkest fetishes right off the bat, you’re just going to look like a maniac. Take it slowly, and save anything that isn’t completely tasteful and calm until you’re really comfortable and familiar with every part of the person you’re sexting and you’re sure their answers will be positive. If in doubt about a thing like that, stay calm and give it more time!

Mix it up a bit

There might be one approach to sexting that often works for you, but you should try to add a bit of variety to your repertoire. It’s not a simple equation, and if you’re sending everyone the same messages every time, you might as well just set up an email newsletter list so everyone can just sign up with an email address and get generic smut all at the same time.

Personalise things and mix them up! Different people have different views and tastes, and you can’t just keep using the same scenarios you have a history with. Use your imagination and keep things fresh!

Don’t write a whole novel

Sexting is a conversation with a partner, not an opportunity to write the next 50 shades of grey novel. No woman wants to see an endless wall of text pop up as a prelude to sex, and you don’t need to put all your information in a single message. Say a bit, and then leave it so that she can respond to you. Don’t just send a big epic and then end it, leave pauses for suspense and give your partner a chance to respond before the end. Plus, longer messages are more likely to use up all your data, leaving you high and dry at the last moment!

When Not to Sext

Not everyone is into sexting, and that’s ok! Sometimes you might not be in the mood, and sometimes she might not be in the mood. It might not be something that ever quite fits your relationship, so don’t feel you have to force it if you’re not completely comfortable. The most important of all the do’s and don’ts of sexting is that it’s ok to not sext, and that often nobody wants a man who insists on sexting when his partner just isn’t into it. If she doesn’t seem into it, back off! Two people can be completely into each other without communicating like this, and that’s an important thing to remember.