Hank Moody is the protagonist of Californication (played by David Duchovny), and somebody that a lot of guys have taken lessons from – not in terms of using drugs or drinking booze until you become a train wreck of a human being, but being natural with women. He isn’t a role model in many respects, but many guys want to know how to be like Hank Moody with their dating game, and it’s easy to see why.
So, how do you act like Hank Moody without slipping up and making your dating situation even harder to handle? If you’re set of being like Hank Moody the next time you try to ask a lady out, then there are some lessons that you can take from him – and some that you shouldn’t.
The Train Wreck Persona
One of the main things that can be misunderstood about Hank Moody is that he’s not a horrible person. In even one scene, you’ll usually see that he comes across as an ass – except not. This isn’t just about confidence, but about the way that the conversation flows. You can say so many shit things without being a shit person, because it all depends on context.
Whether you’ve only watched one season on TV or every season on Netflix, you’ll have seen this in some way: for example, acting indifferent to a woman, rather than drooling over her. This, as well as the laid-back-guy vibe, would normally be a shit thing to do in a dating context, but doing this from the start of a conversation with a girl sets that tone for the rest of it.
What does this mean?
Love is from the heart, but sex and attraction can also be physical. Having the freedom to act the way you want gives people like Hank Moody the opening to make a choice before the conversation even starts – being chilled and relaxed radiates confidence, but it also means that the conversation doesn’t start out warped.
The conversations can even be opened with only a word or two, but casual body language means that Hank could talk with everyone in a similar way and have the ability to shift the conversation as needed. If a girl isn’t interested, there’s no creepy factor between them, which gives him that opportunity to just walk away after a short chat.
A guy who doesn’t care about everything is never a good person to date, but a guy who only cares about some things can use it to their advantage. A careless and indifferent attitude means that a character like Hank Moody can go with the flow and try to turn the conversation towards what they want, but also doesn’t have that moment where it can all fall apart.
Hank Moods is a writer, strolls around in leather jackets, and isn’t the kind of person that you can see as a husband – all things that make it easier for characters like him to not care. There are no ways to put him on the back foot, because if the girl isn’t available, he can just move on.
What does this mean?
The question here isn’t “should I stop caring?”, but “should I let myself be swayed?”, and it’s easy to see why this matters. Yes, he cares about Karen and Becca in his own ways, but the lesson here is that he avoids taking steps backward in conversations. Women can’t flash money or fame and get him to show his weak side, and he has no problem with ignoring people that would normally have a guy’s full attention.
Can this make him look like an asshole? Absolutely, but it’s something that can be used very well on certain occasions. For example, writers might not want to be distracted while reading books (or working on their own books/story), so focusing more on the writing than nearby women elevates something above them and places both sides on equal footing.
Hank Moody isn’t, as the name suggests, always moody. Along with personal relationships with characters like Karen (his on-off girlfriend) or Becca (his biological daughter), we also have the fact that Hank can be playful and still make his intentions clear. Playfulness and open intentions are important on the road to any kind of seduction or proposition, because it removes the creepy factor from it.
Imagine talking about your book with some women, only to reveal that you’re aroused by them without skipping a beat. Weird, isn’t it? Now imagine that you transition from talking about your book to being playful and flirty, but with a gradual change. It’s all a lot easier to manage – both men and women can handle sexual talk better when it doesn’t spring from nowhere.
Another thing that someone can use to appear more appealing is honesty. A lot of people will follow the mentality that they need to compliment a girl on everything to get their attention and love, but most of the time, there’s no reason to be so complacent. It’s not about misleading people, just about being honest.
Say they start to talk about a hobby, like dancing at the weekends. Do you really care? If not, then you don’t need to ask a follow-up question – you can simply link it to something else in the conversation, or just respond with a little huff of acceptance. You don’t owe anyone interest that isn’t genuine, and it also puts the girl on the back foot – meaning that there’s no snowballing feeling of having to shower her with more and more interest.
Acceptance of Rejection
The pain of rejection is something that more people need to get over. If someone rejects you, it can make you feel like a comedian whose joke didn’t hit at their first live TV show performance – humiliated, with no way to salvage the situation and an audience that may never see you in the same way again.
If you can accept rejection like Hank, the increased confidence comes with extra rewards. Anyone can talk to girls in private, but it takes a man a lot of effort to talk to girls in public with a chance of humiliation. If you don’t give a damn about being rejected, then you can become a god of “rolling with the punches” to keep yourself moving.
Shrugging It Off
Californication shows off multiple instances of Hank hooking up with characters that could, at any point, reject him for a wide range of reasons. He basically never comments on that fact, and he doesn’t expect it, but he also seems like the type that would accept rejection for all reasons in a heartbeat. Californication is the story of Hank’s life, and life doesn’t always give you love for free – but that’s okay.
The Bad Parts of Life
Hank Moody isn’t a stable man. New York isn’t an easy place for a writer to live, and his advice on dealing with life would probably be “drink your problems away”, but he’s still a man who’s living, breathing, and getting stuff done throughout the series. At his core, Hank’s existence in the show is never a lost cause that can only get worse and never improve.
Hank’s life isn’t one that anyone would wish upon themselves, but the more you watch of Hank getting over all of those hurdles, the more you understand that Hank isn’t someone that lies down to let the bad parts of life overwhelm him.
Should I Be Like Hank Moody?
Whether you’re new to the show and characters like Hank, Becca, and Karen, or have just heard of it for the first time, Hank is definitely an interesting role model. In most people’s eyes, you can break him down to a few key tips that are worth following:
Don’t Care Too Much
You will get rejected and you will lose dates, and that just happens. Yet, it can hurt, and it can be demoralizing if it keeps happening, but that’s no reason to give up, because eventually, you’ll understand that there’s far more to life than sitting around and waiting for the universe to hand you a partner. The less you care, the easier it becomes to swallow inevitable failures or bumps in the road.
Like a woman? Make it clear, but not in the creepy “I want to smell your hair” way. Don’t like her? Don’t feel like you need to shower her with praise that you wouldn’t normally give. Being upfront and honest removes a lot of the vagueness from your personality, and can also be a refreshing change (for better or for worse) when dealing with people that never seem to get any kind of negative feedback.
Salvage your Train Wreck
If you’re also the kind of guy that has slowly started to become a living train wreck, use it to your advantage while you work yourself out of that hole. Know that you’re already a mess and that nothing, no matter what, can make you feel worse about it. It’s depressing, sure, but when you wear your flaws on your sleeve and don’t try to hide them, your honesty can sometimes lead you to opportunities that you didn’t expect. The Girlfriend Activation System will take you from start to finish to get you a girlfriend no matter how much work you need.